


returns

by naktoms



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, except its not really sad but, fuck cindy, this is payback for cindy, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:11:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4901527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naktoms/pseuds/naktoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kihyun keeps his walls up and is too stupid to realize that it's keeping Minhyuk out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	returns

**Author's Note:**

> [go read cindy's bullshit fucking yoonkwon fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4685792) because this is the aforementioned payback  
>  i hate  
> (i love)  
> kudos + comments are appreciated!!

Kihyun has things he wants to say. Things like, _you look nice today_ (perishing in the back of his throat) and _do you want to go out for lunch?_ (pushed down and swallowed) and _I miss you a lot_ (sitting stagnant in a new message box). He opts to stay quiet, most of the time, because he’s afraid of what might come out of his mouth.

(He’s afraid of a lot more than his words, in the end.)

It’s always been like this. They’ve been friends since the third grade and it’s always been like this, full of brushing hands and late night regrets and, just, things Kihyun wants to say. Things he wants Minhyuk to know. Things he’s never going to tell him.

Kihyun was always content. It’s familiar, a sort of friendship that’s never going to grow any deeper because Kihyun won’t let it. But, now, Minhyuk is slipping through his fingers.

Minhyuk still talks to Kihyun, sure. But he’s always talking about his new friends, the ones he’s making in his AP classes, the ones he’s going to need to go to a college Kihyun can’t afford, didn’t want to go to in the first place. And it really hits Kihyun just how distant they are, what a wide gap stands between them.

Kihyun knows he has the power to lay down a bridge between it. Minhyuk would work to keep in touch, he knows. Minhyuk wouldn’t let advanced placement and superior talent stop him from talking to Kihyun, he knows.

Kihyun is not content to watch Minhyuk fall through his hands like sand. But he’s running out of time.

Of course. Minhyuk gets accepted into a prestigious performing arts academy. Kihyun simply graduates.

Minhyuk doesn’t talk to him on graduation night. Kihyun’s KaTalk messages go unread, endless 1’s sitting as stale as the ‘i’m sorry, i love you, i always have’ in the new message box.

Kihyun has never hated himself more.

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Kihyun says, pathetic to his own ears. He’s certain that Hyungwon either hung up or stopped listening a long time ago. “I can’t believe I let this happen, I just- god, I want to die.”

“You do not want to die,” Hyungwon says simply. “You are feeling guilty for antagonising Minhyuk the entire damn time you were friends and always shutting him down, over and over again. It’s fucking bullshit and you don’t get to feel bad for it. Apologize to him and hope he takes it.”

Kihyun doesn’t want to. Somewhere along the line, his pride turned into his shelter, keeping him safe from harm, keeping him from doing something stupid. To do that would be to tell himself that he’s been wrong, and his pride will not let him.

“Fucking do it,” Hyungwon says when Kihyun remains silent. “Goodnight, Kihyun.”

Hyungwon hangs up, leaving Kihyun with an empty line.

Kihyun doesn’t cry until he’s retyped the words ‘i love you’ four times, vision going unexpectedly blurry. A tear falls onto his phone screen and in his haste to wipe it off, his finger accidentally hits the send button.

He reads over it, heart dropping. The ‘i love you’ remained tacked on the end.

Now Kihyun has _really_ never hated himself more in his life.

He hurries to delete it but the 1’s disappear from beside the messages and he really, really just wants to eat his phone.

Kihyun hits the home button and closes his eyes until KaTalk sounds.

 **[hyukkie] [12:34 AM]** oh, hyunnie…

Kihyun doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean. He waits. And waits. And waits.

He almost dozes off sitting up and jumps so bad that he almost falls off his bed when KaTalk sounds again.

 **[hyukkie] [1:01 AM]** okay, hyunnie, we’ll talk tomorrow. i promise.

Kihyun doesn’t feel any more at ease than he did when he sent the damn thing. He presses the back button and opens Hyungwon’s chat.

 **[kihyun] [1:01 AM]** i fucking hate myself.

Kihyun doesn’t mean to cry in front of Minhyuk.

He’s rehashing his bullshit excuse from last night when it just _happens_ , tears welling up and escaping his eyes in a rush. Minhyuk looks so panicked, but it’s not until he reaches up to wipe Kihyun’s tears and whispers, “Hyunnie, dearest…” that Kihyun realizes this wasn’t a mistake.

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun mumbles, choked. He’s trying to keep his face from doing strange things while he cries. “I really, really am, I just- I couldn’t- I didn’t ever tell you anything and now it’s all my fault.”

Minhyuk’s smile is fond, and Kihyun sees tears in his eyes. Yes, Minhyuk can’t see someone else cry without crying himself, Kihyun knows that. He doesn’t want Minhyuk to cry. “You can start now, Hyunnie, tell me everything. What is so awful that you’ve had to hold it back for this long?”

Alright. “I- I really like that cross shirt you bought a few months ago, and, and I wanted to take you to that new restaurant but went with Hyungwon instead, and- when you were up north touring colleges I missed you so, so badly. I’m sorry.”

Minhyuk wipes Kihyun’s cheeks with the heels of his hands and pulls him down just enough so he can kiss his forehead. “Don’t be sorry anymore, okay? We’re still friends. It- It did hurt a lot, Hyunnie, you pushing me away always and making me feel like I was just, stupid, for ever thinking I had a chance, but…” Minhyuk’s face crinkles up, and it makes Kihyun smile too. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Kihyun asks, and Minhyuk nods.

“I’m sure.”

So. Kihyun drives Minhyuk to the academy that August because his parents don’t have the time to. Minhyuk spends the whole two hour drive talking about the academy and what he’s going to do once he graduates (composer and-or lyricist). But, for all his excitement, he really looks like he doesn’t want to go when Kihyun pulls alongside the curb, behind various other cars.

Kihyun asks if Minhyuk needs help with his things, and Minhyuk tells him no and thanks him for bringing him. Kihyun watches over his shoulder as Minhyuk grabs things from the back seat, closing the door with his hip, and then takes maybe two steps away from the car before doubling back. He opens the passenger door, ducks to kneel in the seat, and leans over to kiss Kihyun, harder than Kihyun would have ever thought he would kiss.

“I’ll message you later today, when I’m all settled.” Minhyuk whispers, face still close to Kihyun’s. Kihyun is speechless. Minhyuk grins. “I love you, have a safe trip home.”

Kihyun doesn’t get to return the I-love-you before Minhyuk is closing the door and walking across the courtyard. Kihyun watches until Minhyuk disappears within the building and thinks that he’ll get the chance to return it later.


End file.
